Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
