On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize