I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
