i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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