you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I didn't notice because vodka
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
