Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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