i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
