if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
