Michael Bay diarrhea
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
