Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
