Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
