She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
