I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize