I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
