Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
