Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
