Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
this is an emotional support booty call
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
