physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize