on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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