imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Randomize