if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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