Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
