a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
