Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize