Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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