My boss' voice literally gives me gas
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize