You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
