I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
