My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
