Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
