I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
