I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
ugly people sure do ruin things
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize