Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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