thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
