we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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