she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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