She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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