so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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