Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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