wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
