I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
