Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
