My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
We have started to decorate penises.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
