i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
