I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
