WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
