I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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