people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
