i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
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