Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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