Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
