No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
