I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize