He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
