I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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