hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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