no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
