the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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