4 words: hood of his car
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
