i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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