If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
