i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
