It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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