Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Randomize
