come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Randomize
