I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I can't turn off my feet"
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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