Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
