four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize