It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Did you pee in the oven last night??
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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