then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
