Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
