I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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