I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
