Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
