Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
